Right now the group is on bed rest in Leh because of the altitude so I figured that I would kill sometime and write. The easiest thing to say about my experience in Jiapor was that it was HOT. Jiapor is a desert and right now it is the beginning of summer there. It was at least 100 degrees everyday with no ac (we had fans but they didn’t do much help). I took bollywood dancing as my independent study, which was so much fun and my favorite part of the day. The other two girls in my group Sarah and Christina took it with me. Our dance teacher was named Preeti and she might be one of my favorite people in the world. She is the sweetest person I have ever met; she always put us in a good mood with random stories and joking around. She is a national ranked dancer, a doctor, and has a PhD in yoga…basically one of the most impressive people ever. It was so hot and we danced for 3 hours a day so I should have been dead by the end but the group would always get super hyper and have more energy after dance then we did when we got there.
It was pretty hard to say bye to my homestay family because I got so close to them over the past 3 weeks. I loved my homestay family in dharmsala but I was definitely closer to my homestay family in jiapor. In dharmsala I felt like a guest the entire time, but in jiapor I really felt part of the family. My homestay mom’s name is Seengeta, she was so warm, blunt, and had a great sense of humor. She was about as big as her personality but she was still absolutely gorgeous (although she is really unphotogenic). She would wear the most elaborate saris everyday and even forced me to wear them a couple of times. The kids in my family were absolutely insane; they always had so much energy and never gave me any space. If I was sleeping in my room they would come in, wake me up, and force me to play cricket with them. Of course it was a bit annoying because most days I was absolutely lethargic from the heat, but I really loved that they treated me like a sister, and not like some creepy white girl living in their house.
My family was huge because in India it is very common for many generations to live together. The sons stay with their parents and when girls get married they move in with their husbands familys. (The ideology behind dowry comes from this tradition – the girl’s parents pay the boys parents for taking in their daughter. Of course the tradition of dowry has been twisted throughout the years and abused but I wont get into that.) In my family their was a grandma and a grandpa, their 2 sons and their 2 wives, and a combination of the couples 4 kids (a 8 year old boy, a 6 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and a 6 month year old girl).
Even though my family was awesome there were definitely some culture shocks that I had to get used to. As I mentioned before there was absolutely no personal space or privacy. No one ever knocked, my family would look through my stuff (not to take anything I think it was just out of curiosity), and they would always come into my room whenever I was trying to get some alone time. Seengeeta would always ask me how much the things were that I bought, which you never do in the US. Most of the time it was just to see if I got ripped off or not, but even towards the end it made me feel uncomfterable. My family also had no furniture in their house. They had a huge house and it was really nice, but there was nothing except for a mattress in every room, and 2 plastic chairs and a TV in the living room. My room was pretty big but all that was in it was a mattress with no blankets (not that I would have used them in the heat) and no pillows. I never figured out why they didn’t have furniture. I know it wasn’t because they couldn’t afford it because my family was pretty well off, so I just assume it was because they are Jain and one of the main concepts in Jainism is self control and limiting your needs. It was weird at first but it just made me realize how much stuff we all have that we don’t actually need. None of these things really bothered me or prevented me from having a good time; I just thought they were really interesting/different and if anything made me closer to my family.
I learned a lot about Indian culture from living with and just observing my homestay family. One of the most overt differences between their family and my family was of course sex roles. Seengeeta would stay at home and do the same thing everyday. She would spend all day in the kitchen cooking for all of the people in our house, taking care of all the kids (plus the other random family member’s children that always seemed to be dropped off at our house on weekends), and cleaning. She couldn’t take a break, even for a day, because as the men in Christina’s homestay said to her one night “if she doesn’t cook then how would we eat?” Usually her spirits were high but every so often she would slip and show her complete exhaustion and it always made me so upset because she is just such an amazing women. I know every mom gets tired here and there but for some reason it hit me so hard because she (as well as many Indian women) are trapped in this lifestyle. The family had 3 servants (which I will talk about later) so even though Seengeeta did have so much work to do she did have help with everything, but I just couldn’t help thinking about what she would do without their support.
Another thing that got to me in my homestay was that the men were always served first and the women had to wait until the men were done eating and had whatever was leftover. (This didn’t apply to me because I was considered a guest so I ate with the kids). I always wondered what would happen if there was no food left over for them. Seengeeta spent all day in the kitchen, to me it seems like she deserves to eat first! The attitude towards women was just not in the house though. There have been several times where the girls in our group weren’t allowed to go places because they might be on their period and were considered “dirty” and women have to cover up because men are considered to not be able to control their sexual desires so it is the responsibility of the women. I am so sick of all this gender bullshit, but I can’t pretend like women and men are completely equal in the U.S. too.
Another thing that was hard to deal with was the concept/treatment of the servants. First of all I don’t even like using the term servant because I think that it sounds degrading, but it is what they are called in India so I am going to use the word. My homestay did treat their servants better then the majority of families in India, Seengeeta interacted with the servants a lot and always seemed to joke around with them, and the kids would play cricket with one of the servants, but at the same time they were still treated badly. They weren’t allowed on any of the furniture (I woke up every night to pee because I was drinking so much water there and I would just see one of the servants sleeping in the middle of the floor in the living room every night), they wore the same clothes everyday, and there always seemed to be random comments of disrespect towards them. What upset me the most was that one day I woke up and went into the living room to see a servant massaging my homestay grandpa’s feet. None of this is really a good explanation of what went on, it just made me really uncomfterable to see people being treated this way. I have household help at home but I always felt like I should treat them with more respect then my own family….I don’t know.
On a more positive note another thing that I experienced in Jiapor was amazing hospitality. It is a bit hard to describe without experiencing it but everywhere I went I felt appreciated. Everyone would always want you to come to their house and force copious amounts of tea and food down your throats. Everyone was so open and wanted to get to know you. The best example of this was at my dance teacher’s house. Her mom just came out of the hospital after having a pretty large heart attack and the first thing she said to us after we introduced ourselves was “I am sorry that I can’t get out of bed to make you girls a cup of tea, I hope that I get better before you girls leave so I can.” We would make sure to spend some time talking to her before every dance class and even though she was sick she was always so warm and would always hold our hands and tell us how happy she was that we were there. Another example was we were lost in the desert trying to find a paper making factory (worst day of my life…) and we saw this house with baby goats. We all just got out of the car and asked if we could play with them and the man said “yes yes of course come in! Let me get some tea!”…If some random person came to my house and asked to see my animals not only would I tell them that they were creepy and to leave but the last thing I would offer them is tea. The hospitality here has really made an impression on me and I want to figure out how I can be more open and kind when I get back to NY.
We have just landed in Ladakh and it is completely gorgeous. It is also freezing here which is awesome after Jiapor! The group is here until May 13, we do 5 days in ladakhi homestay in a village and then a 5 day trek. My birthday is May 12 which is awesome because I am turning 18 in India!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Explanation of the Dharmsala Pics:
1. Christina spinning prayer wheels covered with prayer flags. Turning prayer wheels clockwise is a auspicious deed in buddhism because they are said to have mantras inside and when spun they are given the same good karma as if you were reading mantras (this is important for people who cant read). The prayer flags have mantras written on them two and when they blow in the wind the wind carrys the mantras and brings good things to the world. You can see them all over important buddhist sights.
2. This is part of a famous buddhist sight. It is said that Patma semboah (the spelling is completely wrong sorry ahah) meditated in this cave for a really long time. This guy is a god who chased out the bad spirits in tibet and allowed buddhism to grow there (if you didnt know buddhism started in india and was later brought into other parts of asia) The writing on the rock is a mantra.
3. That is me on a rock....
4. Me sticking out of Patma semboahs cave
5. The group after Holy, and hindu holiday where they throw paint on people. In most parts of india women cant even go outside on this day because the men are so drunk and touchy (as an understatment...i heard stories from the other people at the meditation retreat when i wasnt supposed to be talking...ahah) that it is really unsafe but luckily we got to participate because dharmsala is almost all tibetan with only a small population of indians so it didnt get crazy at all. it was small and fun.
6. A mural painted on a building by the dalai lamas temple. It was painted the day before the 50th anniversary of tibetan uprising day (march 10)
7. Stray dogs sleeping...sadly this is a really really common sight all over india.
8. View of one of the monk's quarters in dharmsala. The flag is the tibetan flag.
9. Some of the group and wangdue our buddhist philoshophy teacher
10. Sign opposing chinese rule
11. One of those is my homestay house
12. My homestay brother and one of my homestay sisters.
13. My homestay mom, homestay brother, and cindu their dog slash the love of my life
14. Me jumping in front of the Taj Mahal (check out the fanny pack! OH YEAH!)
1. Christina spinning prayer wheels covered with prayer flags. Turning prayer wheels clockwise is a auspicious deed in buddhism because they are said to have mantras inside and when spun they are given the same good karma as if you were reading mantras (this is important for people who cant read). The prayer flags have mantras written on them two and when they blow in the wind the wind carrys the mantras and brings good things to the world. You can see them all over important buddhist sights.
2. This is part of a famous buddhist sight. It is said that Patma semboah (the spelling is completely wrong sorry ahah) meditated in this cave for a really long time. This guy is a god who chased out the bad spirits in tibet and allowed buddhism to grow there (if you didnt know buddhism started in india and was later brought into other parts of asia) The writing on the rock is a mantra.
3. That is me on a rock....
4. Me sticking out of Patma semboahs cave
5. The group after Holy, and hindu holiday where they throw paint on people. In most parts of india women cant even go outside on this day because the men are so drunk and touchy (as an understatment...i heard stories from the other people at the meditation retreat when i wasnt supposed to be talking...ahah) that it is really unsafe but luckily we got to participate because dharmsala is almost all tibetan with only a small population of indians so it didnt get crazy at all. it was small and fun.
6. A mural painted on a building by the dalai lamas temple. It was painted the day before the 50th anniversary of tibetan uprising day (march 10)
7. Stray dogs sleeping...sadly this is a really really common sight all over india.
8. View of one of the monk's quarters in dharmsala. The flag is the tibetan flag.
9. Some of the group and wangdue our buddhist philoshophy teacher
10. Sign opposing chinese rule
11. One of those is my homestay house
12. My homestay brother and one of my homestay sisters.
13. My homestay mom, homestay brother, and cindu their dog slash the love of my life
14. Me jumping in front of the Taj Mahal (check out the fanny pack! OH YEAH!)
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
this was written about a week and a half ago it just has been kinda crazy and alot of time without internet access...
A lot has been going on since the last time that I updated this. I left Dharmsala and participated in a semi-silent 10 day Buddhist meditation retreat. The first couple of days were really good. I had a pretty big interest in Tibetan Buddhism from my Buddhist philosophy independent study but since my teacher had been a Tibetan monk there was sometimes a language barrier so there were a lot of concepts that I only half understood and I definetly had some questions going into the program. The teacher at the retreat was Australian so he taught Tibetan Buddhism in a “western friendly” way and was just a really good teacher. It ended up being 4 hours of Buddhism a day so I definetly learned a lot but by the 7th day my brain was on Buddhism overload and I just spaced out the entire time. Even writing about it now is a little difficult because I am so sick of it. I learned so much, and it will be interesting to see how and if I apply some of the ideas/concepts to my life but right now I just need to be numb from it for about a week ahah. On the retreat I also learned how to meditate. It is completely different then I imagined it would be. I guess I thought the goal of meditation was to sit with your self and solve all your life problems in one go but its very different. We learned two forms of meditation – mindful meditation and analytical meditation. Mindful meditation works on your concentration and minfulness, basically learning how to live in the moment. There are different ways to do it but we focused on our breath…a lot harder then it sounds. One of the reasons why you focus on your breath is because it lets you be in the present. Most times of the day you are reliving the past or worrying about the future…very rarely are you just being…maybe never. I really really liked this meditation because even though it was impossible for me to do it made me realize some things about myself. I am one of those people that is constantly buzzing with thought and sometimes that is a good thing but I think I miss out so much on moments because I am too focused on the past or future (for example I will be eating really good food and after the first bite I will focus on seconds instead of appreciating and tasting the food that I have.) It is almost impossible for me to just be…which means technically the only way I see moments is through the past …I am not sure what I will do with this information but I would like to work on my concentration and appreciation of present moments because I think that this would make me much more of a happier person. Analytical meditation is a guided meditation where you focus on the Buddhist concepts that you have previously learned. What is interesting about Buddhism is that they teach you all of the material but then it is your job to meditate on it so that you can “experience the truth”…Buddhism stresses the importance on not just accepting concepts but analyzing them and looking for the truth of them through your own previous life experiences. This meditation was hard for me. I am not sure why I just wasn’t really into it.
Everyone had Karma Yoga jobs at the retreat which are basically just chores that everyone is assigned for good karma and to benefit the community. I got the best job by far…the ghong ringer! Most people had to wash dishes or clean the bathrooms but I got to walk around the property 4 times a day to signal that it was time to go to class or a meditation. I had a lot of fun with it and felt pretty bad ass…still do as a matter of fact haha.
So the “semi-silent” retreat ended up not being so silent for me. I broke silence around the 4th day. I was really into the silence at first and definetly got a lot of good thinking in but by the end of 4 days of 24/7 buddhism (teachings, meditation, no destractions like ipods or non Buddhism books, and no talking) I was just getting sick of it and needed a break. Suprisingly even though I was the youngest person on the retreat I was one of the last people to break silence. Of course when we were talking we couldn’t talk openly or a staff member would yell at us. So everyone would hang out right outside the property during tea breaks and talk. I met a lot of interesting people, many were travelers and just spent months and months traveling different places till they ran out of money and had to go home to work for a bit before their next trip. I think that a lot of people look down on this type of lifestyle but I found it fascinating. Everyone on the program was so kind. I am not sure if it was the people, an influence of the Buddhist teachings, or just the fact that I could appreciate it more in silence but everyone seemed overly nice. It was just so many little things like I signed up for the shower and went at the wrong time and a guy gave me his shower time, I had a really bad cough and everyday the people around me would ask me how I was feeling, my roommates would share their chocolate with me (which at first was a big deal because we couldn’t get any on tushita but then everyone ended up just going to the chai shop even though we weren’t supposed to) and just little things like that. It made me really appreciate the kindness of others but most importantly it made me think about the importance of being selfless and going out of your way to be nice to others. Previously I have always been really focused on myself. I never considered me to be a self-centered person, but now that I am looking from a different perspective I see how much I put my needs (even the simple ones) above others and I think that I really need to work on that. Of course it is important to take care of yourself I just think that many people could benefit from looking out for others more.
I learned a lot about myself and a lot about life while doing the retreat (oh gosh that sounds so cheesy haha). Buddhism focuses on the fact that all beings die and the impermanence of everything which the west kinda avoids talking about. At first it was very hard to talk about death and slightly depressing, but then I started thinking about how important it is to do that. I know people always say “live life to the fullest” but I don’t think that you can really understand that till you focus on the fact that you will die and that the time of your death is uncertain. My thoughts about the subject come in two parts. The first is that since we are getting closer to death everyday that we should not put things off that we really want to do and just to do them. Most importantly we should focus on just being happy, not fulfilling any socital expectations, I think that life is wasted otherwise. The other thought I have is that am so lucky to have the life I have. I am young and have access to so many different opportunities that many other people in the world would kill for so why not take advantage of them? Why not live every moment instead of becoming obsessed with things that don’t matter. Its kinda confusing to explain because so much of this is just random scattered thoughts…oh well.
Another thing that I took away from the retreat is how happiness comes from yourself. When we are upset we spend so much time blaming external factors but really they only play a minor part. Everything matters on the way you react to them. If you have a bad attitude then you will get yourself upset, we end up distorting the situation and making it seem a lot worse then it actually is. Think about it – happiness can really only come from inside, everyone has control over their happiness. This has been the best thing that I have learned and I have really been trying to work on my attitude and perception of situations. One example was yesterday we took a train to Agra. We bought tickets so we got seats but at the next stop people poured on the train who didn’t buy tickets and were just cramped in the aisles. Everyone was all over us when the train would turn and a lady even squished into our seat, but instead of sitting there going “this sucks its hot and everyone is pushing and squishing and there is no room to breath.” I just laughed and joked around with my group. I realized that this was what I signed up for, this was the typical train ride in India.
Okay on a completely different note, on the last day of the retreat I was completely exsausted and didn’t think that I could listen to anymore Buddhism or do anymore meditations. Of course on that particular day we were “blessed” by the surprise visit of a really important religious figure. Instead of meditation all day we were supposed to go to his teachings. I went to the first one in the morning and it was awful. It was 3 and a half hours long and we couldn’t hear or understand anything. During lunch I made the decision not to go to the afternoon teaching. My friend Christina felt the same way so we hid in her room while everyone went into the room. When everyone was inside we decided that we wanted to sneak out of the monostary and explore the town past the chai shop. Of course the room where the teaching was held was all windows so we had to go up through the woods. We found a stupa there which is a very auspicious symbol so we ran around it a few times which is supposed to give you good karma. We figured that after skipping the teaching and running away from the monastery we could use some good karma to balance it out haha. Eventually we found our way out of the woods and in the town. We met up with two other people who were also on the retreat and we decided to have dinner. It was so much fun even though it seems so dumb and not a big deal.
A lot has been going on since the last time that I updated this. I left Dharmsala and participated in a semi-silent 10 day Buddhist meditation retreat. The first couple of days were really good. I had a pretty big interest in Tibetan Buddhism from my Buddhist philosophy independent study but since my teacher had been a Tibetan monk there was sometimes a language barrier so there were a lot of concepts that I only half understood and I definetly had some questions going into the program. The teacher at the retreat was Australian so he taught Tibetan Buddhism in a “western friendly” way and was just a really good teacher. It ended up being 4 hours of Buddhism a day so I definetly learned a lot but by the 7th day my brain was on Buddhism overload and I just spaced out the entire time. Even writing about it now is a little difficult because I am so sick of it. I learned so much, and it will be interesting to see how and if I apply some of the ideas/concepts to my life but right now I just need to be numb from it for about a week ahah. On the retreat I also learned how to meditate. It is completely different then I imagined it would be. I guess I thought the goal of meditation was to sit with your self and solve all your life problems in one go but its very different. We learned two forms of meditation – mindful meditation and analytical meditation. Mindful meditation works on your concentration and minfulness, basically learning how to live in the moment. There are different ways to do it but we focused on our breath…a lot harder then it sounds. One of the reasons why you focus on your breath is because it lets you be in the present. Most times of the day you are reliving the past or worrying about the future…very rarely are you just being…maybe never. I really really liked this meditation because even though it was impossible for me to do it made me realize some things about myself. I am one of those people that is constantly buzzing with thought and sometimes that is a good thing but I think I miss out so much on moments because I am too focused on the past or future (for example I will be eating really good food and after the first bite I will focus on seconds instead of appreciating and tasting the food that I have.) It is almost impossible for me to just be…which means technically the only way I see moments is through the past …I am not sure what I will do with this information but I would like to work on my concentration and appreciation of present moments because I think that this would make me much more of a happier person. Analytical meditation is a guided meditation where you focus on the Buddhist concepts that you have previously learned. What is interesting about Buddhism is that they teach you all of the material but then it is your job to meditate on it so that you can “experience the truth”…Buddhism stresses the importance on not just accepting concepts but analyzing them and looking for the truth of them through your own previous life experiences. This meditation was hard for me. I am not sure why I just wasn’t really into it.
Everyone had Karma Yoga jobs at the retreat which are basically just chores that everyone is assigned for good karma and to benefit the community. I got the best job by far…the ghong ringer! Most people had to wash dishes or clean the bathrooms but I got to walk around the property 4 times a day to signal that it was time to go to class or a meditation. I had a lot of fun with it and felt pretty bad ass…still do as a matter of fact haha.
So the “semi-silent” retreat ended up not being so silent for me. I broke silence around the 4th day. I was really into the silence at first and definetly got a lot of good thinking in but by the end of 4 days of 24/7 buddhism (teachings, meditation, no destractions like ipods or non Buddhism books, and no talking) I was just getting sick of it and needed a break. Suprisingly even though I was the youngest person on the retreat I was one of the last people to break silence. Of course when we were talking we couldn’t talk openly or a staff member would yell at us. So everyone would hang out right outside the property during tea breaks and talk. I met a lot of interesting people, many were travelers and just spent months and months traveling different places till they ran out of money and had to go home to work for a bit before their next trip. I think that a lot of people look down on this type of lifestyle but I found it fascinating. Everyone on the program was so kind. I am not sure if it was the people, an influence of the Buddhist teachings, or just the fact that I could appreciate it more in silence but everyone seemed overly nice. It was just so many little things like I signed up for the shower and went at the wrong time and a guy gave me his shower time, I had a really bad cough and everyday the people around me would ask me how I was feeling, my roommates would share their chocolate with me (which at first was a big deal because we couldn’t get any on tushita but then everyone ended up just going to the chai shop even though we weren’t supposed to) and just little things like that. It made me really appreciate the kindness of others but most importantly it made me think about the importance of being selfless and going out of your way to be nice to others. Previously I have always been really focused on myself. I never considered me to be a self-centered person, but now that I am looking from a different perspective I see how much I put my needs (even the simple ones) above others and I think that I really need to work on that. Of course it is important to take care of yourself I just think that many people could benefit from looking out for others more.
I learned a lot about myself and a lot about life while doing the retreat (oh gosh that sounds so cheesy haha). Buddhism focuses on the fact that all beings die and the impermanence of everything which the west kinda avoids talking about. At first it was very hard to talk about death and slightly depressing, but then I started thinking about how important it is to do that. I know people always say “live life to the fullest” but I don’t think that you can really understand that till you focus on the fact that you will die and that the time of your death is uncertain. My thoughts about the subject come in two parts. The first is that since we are getting closer to death everyday that we should not put things off that we really want to do and just to do them. Most importantly we should focus on just being happy, not fulfilling any socital expectations, I think that life is wasted otherwise. The other thought I have is that am so lucky to have the life I have. I am young and have access to so many different opportunities that many other people in the world would kill for so why not take advantage of them? Why not live every moment instead of becoming obsessed with things that don’t matter. Its kinda confusing to explain because so much of this is just random scattered thoughts…oh well.
Another thing that I took away from the retreat is how happiness comes from yourself. When we are upset we spend so much time blaming external factors but really they only play a minor part. Everything matters on the way you react to them. If you have a bad attitude then you will get yourself upset, we end up distorting the situation and making it seem a lot worse then it actually is. Think about it – happiness can really only come from inside, everyone has control over their happiness. This has been the best thing that I have learned and I have really been trying to work on my attitude and perception of situations. One example was yesterday we took a train to Agra. We bought tickets so we got seats but at the next stop people poured on the train who didn’t buy tickets and were just cramped in the aisles. Everyone was all over us when the train would turn and a lady even squished into our seat, but instead of sitting there going “this sucks its hot and everyone is pushing and squishing and there is no room to breath.” I just laughed and joked around with my group. I realized that this was what I signed up for, this was the typical train ride in India.
Okay on a completely different note, on the last day of the retreat I was completely exsausted and didn’t think that I could listen to anymore Buddhism or do anymore meditations. Of course on that particular day we were “blessed” by the surprise visit of a really important religious figure. Instead of meditation all day we were supposed to go to his teachings. I went to the first one in the morning and it was awful. It was 3 and a half hours long and we couldn’t hear or understand anything. During lunch I made the decision not to go to the afternoon teaching. My friend Christina felt the same way so we hid in her room while everyone went into the room. When everyone was inside we decided that we wanted to sneak out of the monostary and explore the town past the chai shop. Of course the room where the teaching was held was all windows so we had to go up through the woods. We found a stupa there which is a very auspicious symbol so we ran around it a few times which is supposed to give you good karma. We figured that after skipping the teaching and running away from the monastery we could use some good karma to balance it out haha. Eventually we found our way out of the woods and in the town. We met up with two other people who were also on the retreat and we decided to have dinner. It was so much fun even though it seems so dumb and not a big deal.
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