Mixed Pics of Jiapor and Ladakh!



Christina, Sarah, Preeti, and I at dance class in Jiapor



Homestay kids in Jiapor



View of Ladakh from the plane



making ladakhi bread with some of my homestay family in domkhar



View of the Indus River and the Himilayas from my homestay roof in Domkhar



My homestay sister Tashi Lamo and my neighbor with a very naughty goat!



Tashi Lamo and Me standing my the indus river ( I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!)



Me at the 16,000 ft peak on the trek!

Right now the group is on bed rest in Leh because of the altitude so I figured that I would kill sometime and write. The easiest thing to say about my experience in Jiapor was that it was HOT. Jiapor is a desert and right now it is the beginning of summer there. It was at least 100 degrees everyday with no ac (we had fans but they didn’t do much help). I took bollywood dancing as my independent study, which was so much fun and my favorite part of the day. The other two girls in my group Sarah and Christina took it with me. Our dance teacher was named Preeti and she might be one of my favorite people in the world. She is the sweetest person I have ever met; she always put us in a good mood with random stories and joking around. She is a national ranked dancer, a doctor, and has a PhD in yoga…basically one of the most impressive people ever. It was so hot and we danced for 3 hours a day so I should have been dead by the end but the group would always get super hyper and have more energy after dance then we did when we got there.
It was pretty hard to say bye to my homestay family because I got so close to them over the past 3 weeks. I loved my homestay family in dharmsala but I was definitely closer to my homestay family in jiapor. In dharmsala I felt like a guest the entire time, but in jiapor I really felt part of the family. My homestay mom’s name is Seengeta, she was so warm, blunt, and had a great sense of humor. She was about as big as her personality but she was still absolutely gorgeous (although she is really unphotogenic). She would wear the most elaborate saris everyday and even forced me to wear them a couple of times. The kids in my family were absolutely insane; they always had so much energy and never gave me any space. If I was sleeping in my room they would come in, wake me up, and force me to play cricket with them. Of course it was a bit annoying because most days I was absolutely lethargic from the heat, but I really loved that they treated me like a sister, and not like some creepy white girl living in their house.
My family was huge because in India it is very common for many generations to live together. The sons stay with their parents and when girls get married they move in with their husbands familys. (The ideology behind dowry comes from this tradition – the girl’s parents pay the boys parents for taking in their daughter. Of course the tradition of dowry has been twisted throughout the years and abused but I wont get into that.) In my family their was a grandma and a grandpa, their 2 sons and their 2 wives, and a combination of the couples 4 kids (a 8 year old boy, a 6 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and a 6 month year old girl).
Even though my family was awesome there were definitely some culture shocks that I had to get used to. As I mentioned before there was absolutely no personal space or privacy. No one ever knocked, my family would look through my stuff (not to take anything I think it was just out of curiosity), and they would always come into my room whenever I was trying to get some alone time. Seengeeta would always ask me how much the things were that I bought, which you never do in the US. Most of the time it was just to see if I got ripped off or not, but even towards the end it made me feel uncomfterable. My family also had no furniture in their house. They had a huge house and it was really nice, but there was nothing except for a mattress in every room, and 2 plastic chairs and a TV in the living room. My room was pretty big but all that was in it was a mattress with no blankets (not that I would have used them in the heat) and no pillows. I never figured out why they didn’t have furniture. I know it wasn’t because they couldn’t afford it because my family was pretty well off, so I just assume it was because they are Jain and one of the main concepts in Jainism is self control and limiting your needs. It was weird at first but it just made me realize how much stuff we all have that we don’t actually need. None of these things really bothered me or prevented me from having a good time; I just thought they were really interesting/different and if anything made me closer to my family.
I learned a lot about Indian culture from living with and just observing my homestay family. One of the most overt differences between their family and my family was of course sex roles. Seengeeta would stay at home and do the same thing everyday. She would spend all day in the kitchen cooking for all of the people in our house, taking care of all the kids (plus the other random family member’s children that always seemed to be dropped off at our house on weekends), and cleaning. She couldn’t take a break, even for a day, because as the men in Christina’s homestay said to her one night “if she doesn’t cook then how would we eat?” Usually her spirits were high but every so often she would slip and show her complete exhaustion and it always made me so upset because she is just such an amazing women. I know every mom gets tired here and there but for some reason it hit me so hard because she (as well as many Indian women) are trapped in this lifestyle. The family had 3 servants (which I will talk about later) so even though Seengeeta did have so much work to do she did have help with everything, but I just couldn’t help thinking about what she would do without their support.
Another thing that got to me in my homestay was that the men were always served first and the women had to wait until the men were done eating and had whatever was leftover. (This didn’t apply to me because I was considered a guest so I ate with the kids). I always wondered what would happen if there was no food left over for them. Seengeeta spent all day in the kitchen, to me it seems like she deserves to eat first! The attitude towards women was just not in the house though. There have been several times where the girls in our group weren’t allowed to go places because they might be on their period and were considered “dirty” and women have to cover up because men are considered to not be able to control their sexual desires so it is the responsibility of the women. I am so sick of all this gender bullshit, but I can’t pretend like women and men are completely equal in the U.S. too.
Another thing that was hard to deal with was the concept/treatment of the servants. First of all I don’t even like using the term servant because I think that it sounds degrading, but it is what they are called in India so I am going to use the word. My homestay did treat their servants better then the majority of families in India, Seengeeta interacted with the servants a lot and always seemed to joke around with them, and the kids would play cricket with one of the servants, but at the same time they were still treated badly. They weren’t allowed on any of the furniture (I woke up every night to pee because I was drinking so much water there and I would just see one of the servants sleeping in the middle of the floor in the living room every night), they wore the same clothes everyday, and there always seemed to be random comments of disrespect towards them. What upset me the most was that one day I woke up and went into the living room to see a servant massaging my homestay grandpa’s feet. None of this is really a good explanation of what went on, it just made me really uncomfterable to see people being treated this way. I have household help at home but I always felt like I should treat them with more respect then my own family….I don’t know.
On a more positive note another thing that I experienced in Jiapor was amazing hospitality. It is a bit hard to describe without experiencing it but everywhere I went I felt appreciated. Everyone would always want you to come to their house and force copious amounts of tea and food down your throats. Everyone was so open and wanted to get to know you. The best example of this was at my dance teacher’s house. Her mom just came out of the hospital after having a pretty large heart attack and the first thing she said to us after we introduced ourselves was “I am sorry that I can’t get out of bed to make you girls a cup of tea, I hope that I get better before you girls leave so I can.” We would make sure to spend some time talking to her before every dance class and even though she was sick she was always so warm and would always hold our hands and tell us how happy she was that we were there. Another example was we were lost in the desert trying to find a paper making factory (worst day of my life…) and we saw this house with baby goats. We all just got out of the car and asked if we could play with them and the man said “yes yes of course come in! Let me get some tea!”…If some random person came to my house and asked to see my animals not only would I tell them that they were creepy and to leave but the last thing I would offer them is tea. The hospitality here has really made an impression on me and I want to figure out how I can be more open and kind when I get back to NY.


We have just landed in Ladakh and it is completely gorgeous. It is also freezing here which is awesome after Jiapor! The group is here until May 13, we do 5 days in ladakhi homestay in a village and then a 5 day trek. My birthday is May 12 which is awesome because I am turning 18 in India!

Explanation of the Dharmsala Pics:

1. Christina spinning prayer wheels covered with prayer flags. Turning prayer wheels clockwise is a auspicious deed in buddhism because they are said to have mantras inside and when spun they are given the same good karma as if you were reading mantras (this is important for people who cant read). The prayer flags have mantras written on them two and when they blow in the wind the wind carrys the mantras and brings good things to the world. You can see them all over important buddhist sights.

2. This is part of a famous buddhist sight. It is said that Patma semboah (the spelling is completely wrong sorry ahah) meditated in this cave for a really long time. This guy is a god who chased out the bad spirits in tibet and allowed buddhism to grow there (if you didnt know buddhism started in india and was later brought into other parts of asia) The writing on the rock is a mantra.

3. That is me on a rock....

4. Me sticking out of Patma semboahs cave

5. The group after Holy, and hindu holiday where they throw paint on people. In most parts of india women cant even go outside on this day because the men are so drunk and touchy (as an understatment...i heard stories from the other people at the meditation retreat when i wasnt supposed to be talking...ahah) that it is really unsafe but luckily we got to participate because dharmsala is almost all tibetan with only a small population of indians so it didnt get crazy at all. it was small and fun.

6. A mural painted on a building by the dalai lamas temple. It was painted the day before the 50th anniversary of tibetan uprising day (march 10)

7. Stray dogs sleeping...sadly this is a really really common sight all over india.

8. View of one of the monk's quarters in dharmsala. The flag is the tibetan flag.

9. Some of the group and wangdue our buddhist philoshophy teacher

10. Sign opposing chinese rule

11. One of those is my homestay house

12. My homestay brother and one of my homestay sisters.

13. My homestay mom, homestay brother, and cindu their dog slash the love of my life

14. Me jumping in front of the Taj Mahal (check out the fanny pack! OH YEAH!)

Pics From Dharmsala

this was written about a week and a half ago it just has been kinda crazy and alot of time without internet access...

A lot has been going on since the last time that I updated this. I left Dharmsala and participated in a semi-silent 10 day Buddhist meditation retreat. The first couple of days were really good. I had a pretty big interest in Tibetan Buddhism from my Buddhist philosophy independent study but since my teacher had been a Tibetan monk there was sometimes a language barrier so there were a lot of concepts that I only half understood and I definetly had some questions going into the program. The teacher at the retreat was Australian so he taught Tibetan Buddhism in a “western friendly” way and was just a really good teacher. It ended up being 4 hours of Buddhism a day so I definetly learned a lot but by the 7th day my brain was on Buddhism overload and I just spaced out the entire time. Even writing about it now is a little difficult because I am so sick of it. I learned so much, and it will be interesting to see how and if I apply some of the ideas/concepts to my life but right now I just need to be numb from it for about a week ahah. On the retreat I also learned how to meditate. It is completely different then I imagined it would be. I guess I thought the goal of meditation was to sit with your self and solve all your life problems in one go but its very different. We learned two forms of meditation – mindful meditation and analytical meditation. Mindful meditation works on your concentration and minfulness, basically learning how to live in the moment. There are different ways to do it but we focused on our breath…a lot harder then it sounds. One of the reasons why you focus on your breath is because it lets you be in the present. Most times of the day you are reliving the past or worrying about the future…very rarely are you just being…maybe never. I really really liked this meditation because even though it was impossible for me to do it made me realize some things about myself. I am one of those people that is constantly buzzing with thought and sometimes that is a good thing but I think I miss out so much on moments because I am too focused on the past or future (for example I will be eating really good food and after the first bite I will focus on seconds instead of appreciating and tasting the food that I have.) It is almost impossible for me to just be…which means technically the only way I see moments is through the past …I am not sure what I will do with this information but I would like to work on my concentration and appreciation of present moments because I think that this would make me much more of a happier person. Analytical meditation is a guided meditation where you focus on the Buddhist concepts that you have previously learned. What is interesting about Buddhism is that they teach you all of the material but then it is your job to meditate on it so that you can “experience the truth”…Buddhism stresses the importance on not just accepting concepts but analyzing them and looking for the truth of them through your own previous life experiences. This meditation was hard for me. I am not sure why I just wasn’t really into it.
Everyone had Karma Yoga jobs at the retreat which are basically just chores that everyone is assigned for good karma and to benefit the community. I got the best job by far…the ghong ringer! Most people had to wash dishes or clean the bathrooms but I got to walk around the property 4 times a day to signal that it was time to go to class or a meditation. I had a lot of fun with it and felt pretty bad ass…still do as a matter of fact haha.
So the “semi-silent” retreat ended up not being so silent for me. I broke silence around the 4th day. I was really into the silence at first and definetly got a lot of good thinking in but by the end of 4 days of 24/7 buddhism (teachings, meditation, no destractions like ipods or non Buddhism books, and no talking) I was just getting sick of it and needed a break. Suprisingly even though I was the youngest person on the retreat I was one of the last people to break silence. Of course when we were talking we couldn’t talk openly or a staff member would yell at us. So everyone would hang out right outside the property during tea breaks and talk. I met a lot of interesting people, many were travelers and just spent months and months traveling different places till they ran out of money and had to go home to work for a bit before their next trip. I think that a lot of people look down on this type of lifestyle but I found it fascinating. Everyone on the program was so kind. I am not sure if it was the people, an influence of the Buddhist teachings, or just the fact that I could appreciate it more in silence but everyone seemed overly nice. It was just so many little things like I signed up for the shower and went at the wrong time and a guy gave me his shower time, I had a really bad cough and everyday the people around me would ask me how I was feeling, my roommates would share their chocolate with me (which at first was a big deal because we couldn’t get any on tushita but then everyone ended up just going to the chai shop even though we weren’t supposed to) and just little things like that. It made me really appreciate the kindness of others but most importantly it made me think about the importance of being selfless and going out of your way to be nice to others. Previously I have always been really focused on myself. I never considered me to be a self-centered person, but now that I am looking from a different perspective I see how much I put my needs (even the simple ones) above others and I think that I really need to work on that. Of course it is important to take care of yourself I just think that many people could benefit from looking out for others more.
I learned a lot about myself and a lot about life while doing the retreat (oh gosh that sounds so cheesy haha). Buddhism focuses on the fact that all beings die and the impermanence of everything which the west kinda avoids talking about. At first it was very hard to talk about death and slightly depressing, but then I started thinking about how important it is to do that. I know people always say “live life to the fullest” but I don’t think that you can really understand that till you focus on the fact that you will die and that the time of your death is uncertain. My thoughts about the subject come in two parts. The first is that since we are getting closer to death everyday that we should not put things off that we really want to do and just to do them. Most importantly we should focus on just being happy, not fulfilling any socital expectations, I think that life is wasted otherwise. The other thought I have is that am so lucky to have the life I have. I am young and have access to so many different opportunities that many other people in the world would kill for so why not take advantage of them? Why not live every moment instead of becoming obsessed with things that don’t matter. Its kinda confusing to explain because so much of this is just random scattered thoughts…oh well.
Another thing that I took away from the retreat is how happiness comes from yourself. When we are upset we spend so much time blaming external factors but really they only play a minor part. Everything matters on the way you react to them. If you have a bad attitude then you will get yourself upset, we end up distorting the situation and making it seem a lot worse then it actually is. Think about it – happiness can really only come from inside, everyone has control over their happiness. This has been the best thing that I have learned and I have really been trying to work on my attitude and perception of situations. One example was yesterday we took a train to Agra. We bought tickets so we got seats but at the next stop people poured on the train who didn’t buy tickets and were just cramped in the aisles. Everyone was all over us when the train would turn and a lady even squished into our seat, but instead of sitting there going “this sucks its hot and everyone is pushing and squishing and there is no room to breath.” I just laughed and joked around with my group. I realized that this was what I signed up for, this was the typical train ride in India.
Okay on a completely different note, on the last day of the retreat I was completely exsausted and didn’t think that I could listen to anymore Buddhism or do anymore meditations. Of course on that particular day we were “blessed” by the surprise visit of a really important religious figure. Instead of meditation all day we were supposed to go to his teachings. I went to the first one in the morning and it was awful. It was 3 and a half hours long and we couldn’t hear or understand anything. During lunch I made the decision not to go to the afternoon teaching. My friend Christina felt the same way so we hid in her room while everyone went into the room. When everyone was inside we decided that we wanted to sneak out of the monostary and explore the town past the chai shop. Of course the room where the teaching was held was all windows so we had to go up through the woods. We found a stupa there which is a very auspicious symbol so we ran around it a few times which is supposed to give you good karma. We figured that after skipping the teaching and running away from the monastery we could use some good karma to balance it out haha. Eventually we found our way out of the woods and in the town. We met up with two other people who were also on the retreat and we decided to have dinner. It was so much fun even though it seems so dumb and not a big deal.

Tomorrow I am leaving Dharmsala for a 10 day silent intro to buddhism meditation retreat. I am really excited about it because I have never been silent for that long of a time and I am really excited to continue my studies in buddhism. I am so sad about leaving Dharmsala though. I have really connected with tibetan culture and have really enjoyed my time here. Living with a host family has been a very good experience for me. I was no nervous going in because I had no idea what to expect. I had nothing to worry about though because the only problem I had was easily solved with a jar of neutella (my breakfasts...) It was so cool to see the similarities and differences between my real family and my homestay family. In my homestay alot more time was spent just hanging out and watching indian soap operas. The entire time I was here my little brother was sick with an itchy rash. It is always hard for me to see a little kid in pain but it was even harder because my homestay family believes that it was caused my dark magic and did a series of prayers with high lamas and various religious treatments before bringing him to a doctor. Some good memories with my family were my homestay mom teaching me how to knit, religiously watching tom and jerry with my brother every night, chilling on the porch with momo, attempting to teach my eldest sister french...even though i forgot what merci ment for a night, going to the temple with my family, being served way too much tea, and being loved and welcomed into their family. I am also sad about leaving here because I really enjoyed all of my independent studies. I could have done without yoga everyday but it was still nice. Jewlary, tibetan buddhism, and hindi were all awesome. I also have really become passionate about the tibet issue so its a bummer to leave this place. I have recently been reading about womens rights in tibet and am so upset by what I have found. Basically the one child policy has been carried out in tibet (even though there are rules about not implimenting it on minoritys) and the women are forced into abortions and sterilization (even with a baby in the 3rd trimestor). All of the cases I have read abvout have been done with no anesticia and through force, coersion, or economic/social pressure. It is even worse for buddhist women to go through this because the worst thing that you can do in buddhism is take a life and they believe that life starts with conception. It also violates the laws of karma (too long to explain here) and the international law of the womens right to reproduce etc. I think this issue has become so significant to me because being in india has made me feel semi-vunerable for being a girl. I have learned alot from Dharmsala.
- the importance of my education
- developed an awareness of the significance of nationality
- i have learn compassion is possible even though our society dipects total selflessness as not being realistic
- i have become less of a picky eater
- i learned that love is happiness...it sounds hippyish and simple but it is true. if you have love in your life you have everything.
- ones mindset really can influence the turnout of an event. if you go into something thinking that it will suck then it most likely will

This is my mom, sister (who went away to school).grandma, and me on our porch.

Yesterday I didnt have any classes or speakers because it was sunday. It was really nice because I wasnt feeling so well on saturday and I kinda just needed a day to chill out. In the morning I went to temple with my homestay mom and brother. My homestay dad works as temple security so we met up with him there. It was the first time that I went to the temple with my family and it was really nice. We walked around and turned the prayer wheels (they are believed to have buddhist scriptures and mantras on the inside so by turning them you are sending out the mantras to the universe and getting good karma etc). We then went into the main prayer room to pray. It is beautiful, 3 gold statues and colorful paintings all over the walls. It was suprisingly very nice to pray for the people I love. It was the first time in a very long time that I did. Usually at home I just pray when in a fit of desperation or depression which doesnt really count. I am not sure if I actually believe in the power of prayers but I think it is necessary to think good wishes for the people who have made my life so good and who now may be suffering. I liked going to the temple so much that this morning I ended up waking up at 6 am to go with my homestay sister. It was absolutely beautiful because it was right at sunrise. I have definetly learned to appreciate spirituality more since I have come to Dharmsala...and as soon as my mom reads that she will be very happy ahaha. I will definetly wake up early to go to the temple with my sister over the next week because it is my last week here and I want to make the most of the experience while I still can. The rest of sunday was really good too. I hung around the house knitting (my homestay mom taught me I am making the ugliest headband but its fun/good use of time), reading, and watching awful indian tv. Then in the late afternoon I met up with 2 of the kids in my group and walked around and had some coffee (we finally found a place that serves AMERICAN STYLE COFFEE...simple pleasures!) while we were having coffee I saw my first car accident in India. It was really scary to watch because even though both the drivers were fine and it was only a tiny bump the drivers got in a fist fight over it. My hindi teacher said that thats really common..maybe there is no car insurance? I did my laundry yesterday which was really really needed...but of course I put bright red pants that I bought here for yoga in the machine with all of my other clothes and all of my white/light blue shirts (which is ALL i brought) are now dyed various shades of vomit pink hah which is just wonderful. I dont really care though..I think it is funny. We leave Dharmsala in exactly a week so I am pretty bummed. I really like it here..I definetly connect alot with the Tibetan culture and I have had so many good experiences here so far. I am a little nervous for the rest of my trip because I was so miserable when I was in Delhi...even though that was because I wasnt sleeping. Also I am not really looking forward to the staring/picture taking of the Indian men haha. My homestay sister said Jiapor was pretty touriesty so we will see!

Free Tibet

The past couple of days have been very busy. The Dalai Lama is in town and we were lucky enough to see him/hear him speak three times this week. On Monday the 9th there was a long life ceremony in his honor, on Tuesday he had his political address, and on Wednesday he gave a Buddhist teaching. The number of tourists/hippies in Dharmsala has definitely quadrupled since his arrival. It feels weird to see so many white people haha oh jeez… My homestay Dad works as security at the temple and he said that at least 11,000 people were at the long life ceremony, crazy crazy!
I am so lucky that I get to be here at such a significant time in history for the Tibetans. Tuesday was the 50th anniversary of the Dalai Lama fleeing into exile and the 50th anniversary of Tibetan uprising day (a peaceful protest in which thousands of Tibetans were killed and arrested). China invaded Tibet in 1949. Since then more then a million Tibetans have died as a direct result of China’s occupation of Tibet (in various ways ex. fighting, starvation, executions, labor camps, torture etc...another thing to keep in mind when looking at that number is that for 50 years the Tibetans have been fighting strictly nonviolently against the Chinese with the exception of a number of minor incidents. It is against the Buddhist religion to be violent in anyway) Chinese efforts to control Tibet have entailed mass-scale physical destruction combined with polices aimed at erasing Tibetan culture, religion, and ultimately its identity. Dharmsala is the home to the Tibetan government in exile and thousands of Tibetan refuges. Sorry for all of you that do know that already, I personally had no idea of the situation in Tibet before the Olympics and my extent of knowledge before coming here was that the Chinese were in control of Tibet.
On March 10th we spent the day at the temple, where the Dalai Lama and a representative from the Tibetan Parliament-in-exile gave their political addresses. In the two weeks that I have been in Dharmsala, I have heard horrifying stories from Tibetan political prisoners, talked with my host family and other random people about the importance of Tibet and freedom, and participated in a candle light vigil in honor of a monk who was shot by a Chinese police man. Although each of my experiences here have had a significant impact on me, on Tuesday I felt the strongest level of compassion and support for the Tibetan people and their sufferings then I had so far. For some reason, sitting in the dusty temple lawn, listening to the Dalai Lama’s speech I just got overly emotional about the cause. His Holinesses speech was not only eloquent and powerful, but it also had no trace of anger or resentment towards the Chinese people. Even after listing many ways that China has tried to eliminate the culture, human rights, and identity of the Tibetan people. It continues to amaze me how peaceful, loving, and compassionate the Tibetan people are when they have faced so much repression and violence.
Coming from the Dalai Lama, the leader of Tibetan Buddhism, and a man believed to be a reincarnation of Avalokiteshwara the god of compassion, his kind words towards the Chinese people may not seem like a huge surprise. After all, he is the religious leader of one of the most peaceful religions in the world. However, the compassion he showed is definitely not just limited to him. It is impossible not to notice the way people here respect and love other human beings. It sounds so cheesy writing it down on paper but the interactions and conversations that I have here are so different then anything I have experienced in the United States. I am not exaggerating when I say that every person that I have talked to about Tibet always talks nicely about the Chinese people, referring to them as siblings who deserve sympathy for having to endure the Chinese government’s unfairness too. One of our speakers imparticularly shocked me with her ability to truly forgive and love. A couple of days ago we were lucky enough to talk to a woman named Ama Adha. She is about 80 now, and was a political prisoner for 27 years of her life. She was participating in a peaceful protest against the Chinese occupation of Tibet when she was arrested. The Chinese police came and started shooting at the crowd; she was standing next to her brother-in-law when he was shot. His blood got all over her clothes, which she had to wear for the next 27 years when she was in jail. She spent a lot of time talking about the awful conditions of the jail. The prisoners were tortured and starved (she was in jail during the great leap forward where most of china was already starving so you can imagine the dire conditions in the jails). It got to the point where they were so hungry that each day a different woman would cut up their shoes and share the leather with the rest of the prisoners to eat. She told us stories about how in the guy’s jail they would take turns cutting off parts of their thighs to share/eat with the rest of the men. She talked about the beatings that she would receive for not denouncing her beliefs in the Dalai Lama and in her wish for a free Tibet. She also told us about different techniques of torture that the Chinese used against women that are too disgusting for me to write here.
Ama was only released because so many prisoners had died and Mao Zedong decided there was no point in keeping them anymore. At the start of her prison stay, Ama’s jailhouse held 300 women, by the time she was released only 5 had survived. She believes that she survived because as much as the Chinese guards tried to get her to denounce her beliefs and faith in the Dalai Lama she stayed loyal. When she was released she couldn’t even recognize her own children. It had been so long that people had to tell her which people were her kids. Soon after she was released she fled China and came to Dharmsala. Out of all the speakers her story affected me the most. I could not stop crying the entire time. Even though her talk was so detailed and exact, I could not believe that what she was telling me was real. Since I have been here I have heard quite a bit about torture, oppression, and starvation and they still seem so foreign and unreal to me. I think the main problem in America is that we hear these kinds of stories and then forget about them quickly because they seem so unrealistic in the world we live in. It doesn’t hit us because that kind of evil doesn’t seem humanly possible. How can human beings do that to each other? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
At the end of her talk she said something that will stay with me forever. She told us that not only does she consider herself happy, she has no anger towards the people who tortured her for 27 years of her life, and instead she has sympathy and compassion for them because they had to commit awful acts because it was their duty. First of all how LUCKY/dumb am I, I HAVE EVERYTHING and I still don’t consider myself happy? Second her attitude towards the Chinese amazes/impresses/intrigues me. Think of all the people that we have held grudges against, if she can forgive that naturally and fully then I have to forgive and love the people in my life who have hurt me.
I guess that is the main reason why I felt compelled to share this stuff with you guys. My support for the Tibetan cause goes far beyond the human rights violations that the world has watched China commit for the past 50 years. My support comes from the genuine love for humanity and life that defines the Tibetan culture. I want to say that when I get home I will achieve the same level of compassion that I have witnessed in so many forms here. Sadly, I don’t think that I will ever be strong enough to achieve that kind of mental state where I could forgive so fully and continuously love every being equally. That being said, it is a culture worth fighting for. The world would lose so much if the Tibetan culture were to disappear. We have so much to learn from them. I am sorry that I have been very spastic, cheesy, and over generalizing (that’s not a word…) about everything that I have talked about here. The Tibetan issue is very complex, and I have experienced so many things so it was hard to say everything that I want to. I am disappointed in the way that this turned out because it leaves out so many of my thoughts, but if I were to list everything that I want to I am sure no one would finish reading it because it would be like 50 pages and I would run out of rupees to pay the man at the internet café. I really hope that everyone will look deeper into the Tibetan issue. If you tube has it I definitely recommend looking at the movie cry of the snow lion.

In other Jess news:

• We got a special meeting and blessing from the Karmapa Lama who is a significant spiritual leader (think 2nd in line after Dalai Lama).
• This weekend we went on a retreatish thing 4 hours away to a spiritual lake and cave. Basically the guy who is thought of to have brought Buddhism to Tibet by chasing away the bad spirits that were preventing it from spreading there meditated in the cave for a long time. (that is the very short version of a complicated story haha can you tell?) We all got a little car sick because the roads are so windy here.
• I am really getting into my Buddhist studies. I am not converting or anything I just like the philosophy. Maybe someday I will elaborate a bit more on what I like but for right now I will just tell you that I am enjoying it and I am learning a lot!
• Jewelry is amazing. Yesterday I finished my ring. I feel so accomplished haha!! Now I think my teacher is going to teach me how to make a pendant.
• I survived my first hike…it wasn’t very far but still I felt like a winner haha.
• I have realized how lucky I am that I have such a good education and for the first time in my life I really understand how lucky I am to be born a U.S. citizen.
• Yesterday was Holy which is a Hindu holiday. I am not sure of the significance but everyone just throws paint on each other. It was a lot of fun everyone looked so funny…I will try to post pics soon!

EXPLANATION FOR THE PICTURES BELOW!

(from top to bottom)

1. The view from my homestay house...I wish that it had come out better. In real life it is so much more beautiful.
2. A woman and me working at Lancore the kitchen at the Golden Temple. You had to cover your head..it is a sikh tradition
3. Sarah, Christina, and Me at the Golden Temple
4. Inside Jaman Mosque (spelling is so wrong haha). This was my favorite site that we visited so far.
5. 2 random people inside the mosque...I just thought that this picture looked really cool.
6. more mosque...ahahah I really liked it!
7. more mosque!
8. The Gypsy...the amazing car that we road around in Delhi in...so sad that something like that would never be legal in the U.S.
9. Street children that I gave a granola bar to. They were absolutely adorable and so grateful.
10. Christina and me after our first squat toilet experience

I hope that you all like the pictures! Sorry that it took me so long to figure out how to post them. Today we met and received blessings from the Karmapa Lama who is one of the most important figures in the Buddhist religion. It was really intimidating and of course I ended up messing up the greeting/bow thing we were supposed to do but it is a huge honor that we got to meet/speak/be blessed by him. I will write more about it later but right now I am going off to eat Tibetan bread with honey...my new obsession!

So i have been in Dharmsala for awhile now..I am not quite sure how long exactly the days have kinda blended together. if it wasn't for my watch i wouldn't even know that it was march already! Today is the first day that we don't have any classes or guest speakers. It is a nice break from all of the activity..and a much needed one haha! Hindi has been really hard. I am actually supposed to be studying for a test that I have tomorrow on the alphabet. I thought French was hard at Greeley but Hindi is unreal. it is a derivative of sanscript if that helps you guys get the idea...i am kinda bummed that skidmore doesn't offer it as a language because it would be cool if i could have continued it next year.

my homestay family has been really wonderful. they always go out of there way to make sure that i am taken care of. it is still a little awkward because of the communication barrier but i have learned to embrace that awkwardness. for example every morning after breakfast i will go sit on the porch with momo (grandma)who doesnt speak any english and just look outside. (i can't even begin to explain how beautiful it is here...i think that i sit on that porch for hours day and night and never get sick of the view) sometimes we sit in silence, sometimes we smile at each other, and sometimes i will talk in english and she will talk to me in tibetan and even though we cant actually understand each other it is really nice...

so i am still adjusting to the food here (and still craving the pleasentville diner every hour of the day). Tibetan food is 40056 times better then Indian food...but it is still eh. every morning my family gives me these raw pancake like things for breakfast with um interesting pb and jelly to put on them. i tried to enjoy them for the first couple of days but i just couldnt get used to them so i started to hide them in my cargo pants and feed them to stray dogs on the way to hindi class...i am starting to run out of my granola bars though so i realized that i had to do something. i went to the store and got nuetella and honey and started to put it on the bread...it still isnt a bagel from the bagel emporium..but buying those may just be the best decision that i have made in india so far hahah

so our group has had yet another embarrassing travelers moment in india! all of us girls saw these baggy pants at a store in bright ridiculous colors (think mc hammer mixed with Aladdin) we bought them for yoga and just because they were the most comfortable things ever. we were wearing them around for a bought a week before a fellow american that has been living in india for a while told us that wearing them without a dress like shirt to cover them was like walking around in your underwear. none of our homestay families had told us directly because in their culture it is rude to bluntly point out if someone besides a family member is doing something wrong (its called saving face i think). Sarah went back to her homestay sister and said "Oh! Why didn't you tell me that I was just wearing underwear!" and her homestay sister said "I did! I asked you if you were cold!!" ahahah so yeah...we all went home and changed after that haha...

Last night we went to a Candle light ceremony at the temple. Over Losare (the tibetan new year) a monk tried to commit suicide by setting himself on fire in tibet as a protest to not being allowed to celebrate the holiday. chinese police shot him 3 times and took his body to an unknown location. the ceremony was in his honor to remember him as well as everyone else that has died for the tibetan struggle. we started in the center of town and marched to the temple. at the temple a monk said some prayers and some words in the mans honor. during the ceremony we met this guy who had just crossed over the mountains into nepal then into india 3 years ago he told us about his life in tibet...it was the first night that i have gotten emotional about the tibetan struggle. it is amazing to see all of the raw passion and love these people have for their culture. they have been struggling for freedom for 50 years now and they have yet to give up...when have i ever been that passionate about anything? the ceremony reminded me alot of a ceremony that i went to after the 9/11 attacks...its amazing though that this ceremony was for one man (even though they talked about the tibetan struggle in general)... the value of life over here is so much more...i think we could really learn something from that.

i have become very interested in tibetan buddhism since i arrived in dharmsala. i find the philosophy very stimulating...it is all based around the idea of compassion and the importance of caring for others.

i have been doing yoga for 2 hours a day since i got here and i have been walking up crazy hills. i dont think i have ever gotten this much exercise...ever haha
i start my other independent studies jewelry making and buddhist philosophy tomorrow i am so excited!

Dharmsala

dharmsala is really nice. i like it alot better then amritsar and delhi. it is very beautiful. everywhere you look there are mountains, trees, and cute houses. the air is alot more fresh here and although there is still pollution ( i am lucky enough to live right next to the place people dump their garbage! ) it seems alot cleaner. The animals are actually fed, most people dont stare at you like you are a mixture between an alien and god, and there are a lot less beggars. it is also alot quieter and peaceful. it radiates a holy, compassionate energy that i love. It is very different then any other place that we have been in india so far..it feels like we arent even in india! the tibetan government has set up refugee here so mostly the town is filled with tibetans. the food is different, culture, everythign. Right now I am sitting in an internet cafe in my host moms traditional tibetan dress because today is Losare (spelling?) the tibetan new year. usually there is alot of dancing and celebration but after all of the tibetan lives lost last year during the olympics tibetans have decided to boycott it as a sign of respect. I am going to meet up shortly with my global lab group and then go to temple with my homestay family. I really like my homestay family. My house is all the way at the edge of town so it is a far walk to anywhere (but at least ill get in shape!) the view is amazing though. I have my own room even thoguh everyone else in the family shares rooms. I have a mom, dad, grandma, 3 sisters, and a brother. My mom is one of the most caring women I have ever met, my father was in the military for 32 years and now works to protect his holiness the dali lamas temple. It is kinda awkward with the sisters beause they are around my age and dont seem that interestign in getting to know me. the younger brother is terribly ill but is still the best. He is full of energy and is very naughty always climbing on things and jumping out at you. the dog is really cute...very fluffy and energetic. she reminds me alot of my dog boo. Her name is Cindu which i think is funny because my stuffed animal that i always sleep with (shut up i know im a loser) is named cinders.

Amritsar

Yesterday we went to the Red Wall which is like a fort/palace and this mosque that I forgot the name of in Old Delhi. They were both built by the same guy that made the Taj Mahal. The mosque was absolutely breath taking. It had huge marble arches and a huge courtyard and water pool that everyone was washing themselves in. We got to go to the very top of a tower in the building and were able to see all of Delhi. It was weird to see such a beautiful building and then look at the slums surrounding it. We also took our first rikshaw ride through the city. It was really fun because we rode through the market and were able to see all the funky shops and bright colors. It was a very relaxing day which we all needed after the jam-packed days we have been having and the intense lack of sleep (the night befor eI only slept for a couple hours as well) Last night we left Delhi and took a night train to Amritsar. The night train wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...the beds were rock solid and stacked on top of one and another and it was kinda loud but I somehow managed to get more sleep there then I did any night in Delhi haha. The most embaressing thing happened to me while I was on a squat toliet on the train (which are basically just holes in the room so you are never supposed to touch the railroad tracks in india..fun fact!) I guess I forgot to fully lock the door and an old woman opened it up and screamed. I am not sure how much of the train saw my butt but we were all joking about whoever did was definetly impressed because it is so pale hahahah. The reason why this is so funny is because India is so conservative towards women. My friend Austim got really sick last night. He ate dinner on the train last night and has been throwing up ever since...the reason why we are able to use the computers is because they have to take him to the doctor. I feel so bad!!! Later today we are going to visit the golden temple and then help wash dishes because everything here is free as long as you help out (plus Peter says it is good Karma!) which I think is really really cool. Then tomorrow we are going to the Pakistan India border for the flag raising ceremony. It is not a dangerous area and it is actually supposed to be alot of fun. They say that there is alot of dancing and fun. My group leader Deb has chilled out a bit since I last wrote to you which is nice. I think she was just suffering from a lack of sleep or something. In a couple of days we are going to go to Dharasmala and do homestays/hindi classes/independent studies.I was thinking about taking Yoga and Jewlary making for my independent study. I haven't been terribly homesick for a while which is good. Of course I still miss you guys but it isnt as bad as it was in the beginning. I think that as long as I can sleep I am happy haha

Lots and Lots of love
miss youuu - Jess

indiaaaaaa

ही Guys! Today was the first day that I have had internet...I am at a local internet cafe. I survived the 14 hour plane ride it suprisingly went by very quickly. I slept for most of it which I never do and then I watched a bollywood film which was like grease but twenty times more ridiculous and over the top. I am terribly home sick...meh. I am having fun during the days...but the nights are kinda lonely. The driving here is absolutely insane. Everyone just kinda of follows their own rules...it is amazing they manage to turn a 2 lane road into a 4 lane road and people even drive over the yellow lines. It is absolutely terrifying and I feel like I am going to die the entire time but it is so much fun! The program driver Amit drives us around in this amazing car. It is named "the gyspsy" and it kinda looks like a mix between a pick up truck and a jeep. It has no windows which is so nice because it creates an amazing breeze and lets us take pictures/look at the sites. Riding in the gyspsy has been the best part of the trip so far it is absolutely amazing. The food here is actually pretty good and I havent gotten sick yet! wooo hhooo! The weather is amazing. The perfect temperature, not to hot not too cold! We went to the India arch which is a memorial dedicated to all the soliders and there were alot of little kids there. They all swarmed me and my asian friend Christina and took pictures and everyone was tryign to shake our hands...it was one of the weirdest/funniest experiences of my life haha. Today we visted two schools one was a indian high school. The guys there were so funny they all asked if i had a boyfriend and they all told me to go clubbing with them this weekend. then we went to a school for the blind. it was a really good experience. it is amazing how they teach the blind children. it is all through touching...i wish i could explain it..but it is one of those things that you just have to see for yourselgf. We were able to interact with them and learn about what they were doing and how they were learning and they even played drums for us! haha it was really cool. I have been weirdly desensitized from all of the poverty...i haven't become too bothered by it yet...what bothers me is all the stray dogs all over the place...its messed up.. COWS ARE EVERYWHERE ITS AWESOME! even thought they are really gross and dirty. we also got to feed monkeys yesturday. Sleeping here sucks though. It is so loud people blasting horns, dogs howling, and men yelling. Last night I only slept for 30 min... Tomorrow is our last day in Dehli we are taking an overnight train to the golden temple then going to our homestays ahhh! I am very very nervous for my homestay. I love love love the kids in my group. Everyone is very friendly, funny. quirky, and genuine. The indian program director Peter is also very nice. I dont like my main program directer deb though. She is very passive aggressive and doesn't really seem to want to interact with us...it has made me quite upset but hopefulyl it will get better. I am sorry that this post is not very detailed/exciting but it is late and i must sleep for another packed day tomorrow...i hope you all are well...miss you!

Leaving...

First off let me say that I recognize that I am officially the biggest tool in the universe for making this blog and I hope that in time you all will forgive me hahah...also I have never written a blog or even a journal so I am not really sure how this thing will turn out...oh and try not to judge me for my awful grammar!

So in two days I will leave for my three month trip to India (ah!). I am not really in the mood to explain everything that I will be doing because it will go on forever (and most of you already know). If you are interested in exactly what I will be up take a look at these links:

Trip Itinerary: http://global-lab.org/mt/BBSpring09/2009/01/daily_itinerary.html

Background Info: http://global-lab.org/mt/BBSpring09/2009/01/post.html#more

It really didn't hit me that I was leaving until last night when I was with a good friend. I was having a really good time and then all of a sudden I realized that it would be one of the last times that I would see him in months. For a while I felt like I had all the time in the world, and then all of a sudden I realized that I have absolutely no time at all. I will miss my family, LIFE school, my bed, my friends, grilled cheeses and chocolate shakes, and my dog boo.

Like everything else in my life, I am extremely ambivalent about my trip to India. I am excited because it is something completely different then anything I have ever done before, but I am also scared shitless and sad to leave. I can't imagine leaving everyone I love for such a long period of time, and I can't imagine having to live and adapt to a completely different world. I am scared because everyone keeps telling me horrible stories about India. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "HAHA your going to die!" and "You are going to get aids" over the past couple of months. I know that for the most part people are just messing with me, but it still freaks me out! I am also scared about sticking out. I am tall, blonde, pale, and a girl...so I will not blend in anywhere.  I know that I have to be prepared to be bluntly stared at (by everyone...not just guys). This may sound like a dumb fear but for some reason the idea makes me feel extremely vulnerable. Another thing that I am very anxious for is the beggars. Anyone who has seen Slumdog Millionaire knows what I am talking about. I don't really know what to expect, because people have told me so many different stories about it, but all of them sound pretty awful, and I am sure that I will be horrified by what I see...it will most likely be the most difficult part of the trip for me. I am not scared for my homestays but I am a little anxious because they just seem like they would be really really really awkward (even though I know they will be a great)

Besides all of that, I am very excited about my trip. I cannot even begin to tell you how lucky I feel. I get to go to INDIA...what an opportunity! I think that I have grown and matured significantly over the past two years, and this trip is kind of a test to see how strong I actually am. I am going to be completely out of my comfort zone (can any of you even picture me on a 10 day trek in the mountains?!?) but I am really excited for the challenge. Global Lab is an amazing program and I feel like I will learn a lot about India, the world, and most importantly myself while I am on this trip. 

My main goal is to learn how to live in the moment. I know that sounds very cheesy, cliche, and weird, but it is actually really significant goal to me. I am constantly buzzing with thought...I am either analyzing the past. freaking out over the future, or thinking about something completely unrelated to the situation that I am in. I think that I will be extremely happier if I am able to find a way to "live in the moment" without losing my self reflection. I am not going to work at this goal everyday by analyzing why I over think or by even thinking about it at all. Instead, I am going to make the effort each and everyday to just be. I just want to soak in everything and learn everything I can while I am there. I will worry about what I have experienced, and how it has affected me after I get home. 

Tomorrow is my last full day in NY before I leave. I hope that I have enough time to get packed and say goodbye.  I know that I won't get the chance to say goodbye to everyone who is important to me, which sucks. I love you all!

p.s. HI LEE...you're so lame